The struggle forAmsterdam

As my plan would have it I have finally arrived in Amsterdam.

I have just left Belgium, I first travelled to Brussels, which was not that great of a city. After a day you are kind of done with the place. I had originally planned to stay there 3 nights. However plans changed and off we went to Bruges, much better. Although Brussels did not dissapoint when it came to food. Everything I tried was amazing. Belgian waffels really are the most amazing I have had.

If you know me you know that I love french fries. Well Belgium is the creator of fries, so I was in fry paradise. For the beer lover there is an outstanding amount of different kinds of beers. Over 500 belgian beers and they even have this place called delirium cafe where there are 2004 different kinds of beers from all over the world. Brussels was def a good experience, its a good place to come for a weekend.

Bruges however was even greater. All of the architecture is still very medival. The structures are so old and beautiful. They call it the venice of the north, very romantic. I went to the chocolate and fries museum. Making fries is an art here and super cheap, chocolate. I am very impressed with their technique and I can never look at fast food fries the same :( ha

Anyhow I really discovered both of these cities in 3 days and all by walking, they are quite small. But I have found myself to actually walk everywhere. Its a better way to check out the city. Anyhow my little adventure to Amsterdam did not turn out the way I expected.

But then again when do things go the way I plan overseas? Rarely. I went to the train station and we were about to get on the train because it was leaving, when there was some sort of an explosion from the train, amanda and I were about 8 feet away from it, we both jumped. I really thought the whole train would explode or something. There was a guy even closer to it, than Amanda and I, after about 15 mins the train conductor said it was a lock problem and we were good to go. I do not know why I really trusted the guy but I didn't want to stay in Belgium. Once we were on our way, the ticket collector came by, and took Amanda's Eurorail ticket. He claimed we both had fake tickets because the paper was different than normal. He put the ticket under a light and then took them saying he had to call about them. I was laughing could not believe that he was accusing us of fake tickets. The thing is you travel with this same pass on every train because we got a global one. This guy talked it over with the other ticket collectors and they kept asking us where we were going. We said Amsterdam! Amanda as getting kind of snappy with the guy and I just did not want to start trouble just yet. So we showed the guy our reciepts but he still did not believe us. He finally said since he could not prove that they were fake he would let us get away with it.

So finally made it to Amsterdam last night. Its really a beautiful city there are so many bicycles here. There are over 600,000 of them. Everywhere you walk or look they are. Everyone is ready to run you over with the bikes as well. Its pretty intense.

We ended up walking some narrow streets to get to our hotel and they have a lot of coffeeshops. But they really do not sell coffee, I am not going to lie but the smell is overwhelming, I want to gag because its everywhere. I am not a fan of the coffeeshops at all. I am glad I am only here for a few days otherwise I would go nuts. I met a guy yesterday as I was having dinner, he said Yalla, to Amanda and I. I turned around and said hey I know what that means. Its a word I learned in Israel, its actually arabic meaning to hurry or quickly. He was an old man, seemed wise. He couldnt believe I knew that he thought I was jewish. He told me he was just kicked out of Israel a few days ago. Apparently he moved there 4 years ago from Amsterdam. He quickly got put into prison once arriving there for a month. I can't remember why he was put in prison. But he was not threatening at all. He taught me a few more words and told me about his time there. He also spoke like 4 other lauguages. Pretty impressive. He invited Amanda and I to go to some Jazz show but we kindly refused we were tired and needed to get our game plan for today.

I went to the Anne Frank and Van gogh museum today. It was really cool. I kept thinking about their lives and the struggles they went through. Obviously Anne just wished she could run outside or ride her bike, something I take for granted at times, as I am sure others do. She was a prisoner at her home. Van Gogh, traveled everywhere but was not happy with his work or life and thought of himself as a failure, and shot himself. If he could only see now the revolution he made in colors.

I thought about how he little things matter. How we sometimes want to conform to society because that is what we are taught. What if we did something different, that society does not look at very fondly? Does that make us less than those with presitgious jobs, people with lots of money, educators? Or does that make us creative? I started thinking about these things today. How the petty things are so ridiculous to get caught up, all the rumors and bad talk. Who cares what matters is what we are actually doing. Secrets can't be kept for too long. We have to be who we are, we have to be honest with ourselves and eachother. As I saw from Van gogh today are harshes critques are ourselves. Its something that I realized today.

So as this is said, I beginning to see more meaning in my travels, from the start to now. I hope to see different views and meet a lot more people. I am so intrigued with everything and just taking it in as it comes.

Age takes over.

It is funny to think back when we were young and we always wanted to get older. Now that we are older we wish we were younger. I remember being in college and never thought of getting older as the years went by. But I was always the youngest from my friends, my family, and most of the groups I was. Even when I started my first job at Northern Trust as an accountant. I was even a little intimidated being the youngest from my team. When I started my second job, which is where I currently am, I was still the youngest from my team. I never thought about getting older or being older.

However this year there was one younger person on my team, it was strange for me. I was not sure how to feel about it. This past year has made me think a lot of about getting older. About the things I want to accomplish. I am now 24 years old. To be truthfully honest I do not know what I want. I want security but I want freedom. I currently do not believe one can have both. I long for the freedom of no job and to travel the world. However I cringe the thought of not having a job and a stable environment.

I started worrying about getting older. I have had thoughts such as, I should start my career soon. I should be making a lot more money. I should have a steady boyfriend and get ready to marry soon. Really? This is what I was worrying about. Then you watch the movie like Benjamin Button, or P.S. I love you and it makes you think. The truth is were always getting older, perhaps even wiser. I like getting that warm feeling inside telling me is going to be alright.

I have learned so much from this job and previous encounters. I have had real life situations. I have been under a lot of pressure. I have made many mistakes over and over this past year. I regret it sometimes but than again I do not because I learned from them, and hope not to make them again. I miss having someone so close to me. The truth is, sometimes some things are not meant to be.

One thing I have learned is to work very very hard in whatever it is I do. My parents told me this since I was very young. To prove yourself so no one can doubt what you are capable of. Being a leader is something your born with, at least that is what I believe. I always look for new challenges. My current job is no longer challenging me. Part of me is very bitter. I feel as though I have worked so hard for this company. Sometimes I believe that they do not care about anything but results. I have done everything I could. I have trained my co-workers well. In fact we have done more than the rest of the teams. I am bitter that now that I want to move up, do something different there is no guarantee for me. However I knew this all along, its corporate America. It is a brutal reality. I know it is not ok to feel this way, and everyday it gets easier. I let go a little, I sometimes regret working so hard, or just feel like I do not care. But the matter of the fact I do care and I do not regret it, because in the long run I proved to be the best that I can. I hope that they realize this and I know that one day I will get to where I want to be.

So as of now since I cannot take my long 4-5 month trip around the world, I am going to travel Europe for 5 weeks. I also started playing with the idea of working in exchange for a place to sleep and eat. I found some websites that allow people to do this in other countries. I have longed to stay in Israel for an extended amount of time, however things are not that great right now, so plans have changed again. I have decided to work in southern France or Greece either on a farm or somewhere in the country. I just want to learn a different language. I do not want to worry about things, just live life at this moment. Most of the places I looked are on 7 acres of land, with the mountains as the view or something so peaceful and full of nature, I cannot wait. I believe I can do this after my European backpacking. Just stay in one place for a while. I can't wait to meet new people, to have a place to call home without moving so much. To wake up to the mountains and something so green, that I would have a huge smile on my face every morning.

All I can say is I am sick of planning and being so organized. Being so uptight and having control of things. Sometimes things do not go the way we plan and that is completely alright. Things change and that is where I need to be.